Instead of ranking these in order (as is the cheap way to do a blog) I decided to make a list of the most awesome videogame weapons and why I feel they are the best weapons ever.
First up is the Gunsword from Final Fantasy. Gun swords have been done in fantasy, anime and RPG for a long while. Square brought this weapon to the masses in their recent FF games and interest in gunswords has never been higher. Tell me you wouldn't feel like a badass brandishing a gunsword.
The only thing that might make you feel more badass than gunswords are never-ending monster pistols that steal souls. I'm talking about Grave's "Cerberus" from
Gungrave. The guns have plenty of kickback but when you're undead I suppose they don't matter. Throw in Grave's coffin-cannon and you are a walking assault force.
The next item on the list may seem kind of silly but tell me you didn't want a racoon tail when you were a kid! Mario's costumes from Super Mario Bros. 3 were a great addition on top of the Fire Flower and Power Mushroom that had been featured in previous titles. Now Mario could destroy certain levels with ease if he was wearing the right suit. The Tanooki suit even allowed Mario or Luigi to turn into a statue and avoid detection. James Bond's tux only has exploding cufflinks?!
One of the most visually impressive weapons in recent history are the Blades of Chaos from
God of War. The downside to Kratos' featured weapons are that they are permanently attached to the arms. These weapons would be a hassle in real life. Can you imagine trying to go to the bathroom with a chain wrapped around your forearm? Aside from that the Blades of Chaos have lots of things going for them. They have reach, can be whipped, spun and charged with fire. They are among the most powerful magic weapons on this list or in any game and above all look badass!
As great as the Blades of Chaos are, they can't do half of the stuff that Diskarmor can.
Rygar was the first game to feature the weapon-on-a-chain dynamic in arcade adventures. Capcom's Bionic Commando and Black Tiger come in very close second! What makes Diskarmor so great is it has offensive and defensive ability. It has the reach, spin and hook of the Blades of Chaos but can also be used to protect the hero from attacks. Can you imagine how kick-ass it would be to have a Blade of Chaos in one hand and wield the Diskarmor in the other? That would be beyond badass!
I'm going old-school on this one. I think that the mask of
Splatterhouse is one of the best videogame weapons ever. By donning the mask you would gain superhuman strength, toughness and healing factor. Not unlike the Jason character from
Friday the 13th for whom the mask was patterened after. The only downside to wearing the mask was becoming swollen with muscles and bald. But I hear that bald is the new black. I'd like to see what can be done while wearing the mask, handling Diskarmor and a Blade of Chaos!
It doesn't matter if I'm talking about
Super Star Wars on the Super Nintendo or
Knights of the Old Republic on the Xbox. The Lightsaber is and always will be one of the best videogame weapons ever. It slices armor and metal like butter and can deflect laser blasts. I wonder if it can deflect bullets though? The downside is that the lightsaber is only as good as the person wielding it. You'd have to be a Jedi master to avoid cutting yourself in two if you decided to handle a lightsaber in real life. Mace Windu is one such master!
Since I am more likely to hurt myself while wielding a lightsaber is is a fair bet to say that I'd settle for the BFG (iD's not-so-little-secret) or the Bolt Gun from
Warhammer 40,000 Dawn of War. Both guns pack a whallop and are among the best weapons ever put in any videogame. The green radioactive glow of the BFG discharges can't be very healthy but if you ever have to clear out a room quick that is the weapon of choice. The Bolt Gun is a bruiser of a weapon, instead of shooting bullets or nails it shoots bolts, the thick bolts that are used to put down livestock. What it does to people just ain't right.
Some of the best videogame weapons have appeared in the
Zelda series. Swords and shields have been done before, as have bows, arrows and magic potions. The weapons that Link sought out were unique and powerful, the player learned how to handle a little wooden sword in a game like
the Wind Waker before he ever got a chance to use a real one. Details like this are great in a game. As far as great weapons go, an Ocarina of Time can be just as useful as any sword and shield. Not to mention that the Triforce is possibly the most powerful item (is it a weapon?) on this list.
I am a sucker for the ranged weapons in
God of War and
Rygar but my favorite was always the Bionic Claw from
Bionic Commando. Spider-Man relies on web cartidges to swing from building to building. If Spidey runs out of fluid then he has to take a taxi. Both Rygar and Kratos have to use their respective weapon to do the same thing, the Bionic Commando
was the weapon. He could use a gun, fight and advance through levels with his Bionic Claw. I'd like to see what Hideo Kojima could do with a character like that... since Capcom never brought him back. Character art by
Joachim Barrum.
The electric guitar of
Johnny Whatever seems to have the same effect on solid creatures that the Proton Pack of the
Ghostbusters had on ghosts. Both weapons were great in their respective games and would be awesome to have in real life.
If you thought the Proton Pack was an odd weapon how about the Katamari or the Disk of Tron? The disk may be a frisbee in real life, but in the virtual world it was made of energy and could deflect attacks, fly and return with the flip of the wrist. The Karamari may not seem like a weapon but I figure it is. If someone gives you the hassle wouldn't it be great to just roll them up into a ball and launch them into space? I'm just saying... odd as both items are, they can still be used as weapons.
Of all the weapons on this list and of all the weapons masters there may be one that stands head and shoulders above them all (even Mace Windu). That would be Strider Hiryu from the
Strider games. Strider's weapon of choice was the Cypher, a plasma-powered sword that could be swung like a nightstick and chopped through armor as fast as a lightsaber. Strider also had access to some other great weapons including servo robots, robotic Hawks and Panthers, even his glider was a stealthy weapon. What I wouldn't give for my very own Cypher and stealth gilder.
The last item on my list may just be the greatest videogame weapon ever devised. The purists among you may call my selection B/S, but I don't care. The Sixmachine from
Viewtiful Joe is not only a mode of transportation, but a transformer as well. The Sixmachine is a race car, jet, drilling machine, submarine, cannon and robot rolled into one! Tell me Mario wouldn't rather have a Sixmachine than a Tanooki suit! Sixmachine just kicks ass!
So there's my list of Best Videogame Weapons Ever. Like it or lump it let's here what you have to say.
HONORABLE MENTION:
Sweet Tooth and Dark Tooth's ride from Twisted Metal are very gangster weapons, but I see them more as sweet rides than videogame weapons. Perhaps I will make a list of the best videogame vehicles ever in the future?! Hmm...
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